J started playing in a basketball league on his firm’s team. He admitted the other day that his freakishly long arms make it easier for him to foul and not get caught.

It’s totally bringing out the former cheerleader in me. I want to go to his games and cheer. I was thinking up chants appropriate for patent attorneys as I got ready for work this morning. What can I say, I still got it.

File, Argue, Verdict, Lien
X - X - X - B!

Search, file, prosecute
SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT

(P.S. GO COLTS!)

I don’t know if this is cute or sad. J just called me out of the blue and we had this conversation:

J: Have you evaluated our performance last week?

K: What?

J: Have you evaluated our performance last week?

K: If you are referring to what I think you are referring, I’m astounded by your lack of knowledge.

J: Oh, please enlighten me.

K: You should read my blog.

Considering the massive over shares all over this blog, I was surprised his only grumble involved my use of his first initial and saying he’s a Steelers fan. Because now all the strangers visiting are going to be able to figure out exactly who he is. Right.

I'm in the dreaded waiting period. If my cycle stays at 24 days, which it may not because of the Clomid, then I should begin spotting around Saturday and the first day of my cycle should be Sunday. I cannot take a urine pregnancy test earlier than Tuesday because the hCG will cause a false positive.

So that's it, nothing interesting on the TTC front, but now that I've mentioned menstruation and urine, I offer you this recipe for Lime Pickled Red Onions which are REALLY good. I made them for the first time on Saturday and served as a garnish to steak tacos.

Lime Pickled Red Onions

1 large red onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
1 teaspoon chopped fresh oregano or 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

Mix all the ingredients together and let marinate for at least 3 hours at room temperature.

"Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks." - Homer Simpson

I don't ever remember being this tired before. I don't know if it's the drugs, or the fact that I've had about an hour less sleep than normal over the past few days, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get out of bed this morning. You know how even if you wake up, and you're tired, once you get out of bed and get going and have some coffee, it generally goes away? Umh, yeah, it's not going away.

There was absolutely no way the coitus was happening this morning, so I guess I'll have to rally again tonight. I know, it's crazy, sex after dark two nights in one week! My poor geriatric husband.

On a side note, the mood swings seem to have kicked in. I started crying at 10:40 last night when I realized the DVR wasn't recording Men in Trees. Yes, I cried over Men in Trees. And I can watch it online anytime I want.

I had an ultrasound this morning. The doctor saw what she thought was a collapsing follicle which she felt indicated I am about to ovulate. Just to be sure, though, she prescribed Ovidrel which is a brand of human chorionic gonadotropi (hCG) used to trigger release of an egg. I was also given further intercourse instructions so in case you were wondering what I am doing tonight or Thursday morning . . . . Apparently, the Ovidrel will result in a positive result on an ovulation predictor stick so she suggested I take one tomorrow so that I could see what a true positive looks like.

The Ovidrel is an injectable drug which you administer yourself with a syringe. When the doctor explained she was prescribing the Ovidrel and how to complete the injection, I got very, very nervous and the nervousness lasted up until I jammed the needle into my stomach. Thankfully, it was extremely easy and virtually pain free (so now I know I COULD be a meth head).

J called me last night from his cell phone as he was driving back to SD from his firm's OC office. The first part of the conversation went like this:

J: I realized that we are going through this process and we have yet to have a conversation about fundamental parenting principles.

K: Okay.

J: For instance, this child WILL be raised a Steelers fan.

K: Well, I feel that it would be perfectly acceptable for him or her to be BOTH a Steelers fan and a Chargers fan.

J: That's fine.

It's so nice to see that we already agree on the big issues.

I go in tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. for an ultrasound to try and figure out what day in my cycle I ovulate. I'm not sure if it's something to be excited about, but I'm excited about it.

Since we aren't doing the IUI this month, I tried taking guaifenesin to make my cervical mucus more hospitable, but it just makes me so darn sleepy and spacey that I stopped taking it. For instance, I referred to a plush toy I purchased for a birthday party as "upholstered." The guaifenesin wasn't something the doctor recommended, just something I've read a lot about. I tried taking it in previous cycles but had the same drowsiness problem.

I'm hoping this is a very lucky month for me.

So, I was at Costco and there was a family with a little boy in a cart. The Dad was pushing the cart and the Mom was holding up packages of seafood and showing them to the boy saying things like, "Look, Johnny, Mr. Crab."

It was awful. I was thinking, "What? There's no Mr. Crab at Costco! We don't eat Mr. Crab. That's 'just crab.'"

Then she picked up another package and said, "Look, Mr. Crab's legs."

It was horrible, like when Doc Hopper was hunting Kermit in The Muppet Movie.

I seem to be experiencing a few of the "common" side effects listed for Clomid. By far the hardest has been the "drowsiness" which really means very tired all the time. I'm also experiencing some lightheadedness, blurred vision and abdominal pressure.

Perhaps the most interesting side effect so far is one I had to do a Google search on because I hadn't seen it listed in the places I had looked and thought perhaps I was imagining it - breast enlargement. Yep, my breasts have gotten bigger. Because that was something I really needed. Maybe if it had just been my left breast.

Two "common" side effects mentioned that I haven't yet experienced are hot flashes and extreme mood swings. Move aside, crazy sweaty lady with enormous boobs coming through!

Is it possible to write about fertility without at some point writing something that someone might consider "too much information"?

In addition to my luteal phase defect, J has a slightly less than average sperm count. His first test had his count at 3 million (yikes!), the second at 20 million, and the third at 32 million. Let's hope he tends toward the 32 million and the 3 million was a fluke.

Everything I've read suggests that if the male partner has a low sperm count, you should consider having intercourse every other day during your fertile period, but I've also read that the male partner shouldn't go too long between ejaculations. I still don't know when I ovulate, but as this is my first month on Clomid, I want to do everything I can to increase my chances of conceiving and have already planned that we'll have "the sex" on Friday and Sunday, I'll have my ultrasound Tuesday morning, and then we'll make additional plans from there.

John is out of town Wednesday night through Friday night of this week so I called him yesterday on the way home while I was thinking about it and told him "the sex" schedule. I then also informed him he would have to have "the sex" with himself on Wednesday. We have the most romantic conversations these days. So J said, "Clean the pipes?" and I said, "Tickle the pickle," and it degenerated from there. But hey, at least we've kept our senses of humor.

I've been waiting for someone to ask me about my blog title. Thank you, Patty, for posing the question and providing me with an excuse to explain.

One of the biggest joys in my life is watching the television show, "The Office." Fellow fans will sympathize with what hell it was waiting for the writer's strike to end and a new episode to air. One of the other biggest joys in life is red wine. There is a scene in last week's episode (the first new episode to air in months, many dark dark months) where the character, Michael Scott, is hosting a dinner party, takes a sip of red wine, and announces it has, "Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth."

I've had this blog address for a couple of years but never wrote much in it. On Friday night, when I decided I needed an official blog site, I went back to this account and made a few changes. When it asked me for a title, I went blank. Something about me? Mmm, something about the things I like? Mmm, something about pregnancy? I sat there for at least a half hour before it finally came to me -- Oaky Afterbirth. Yeah, that's perfect. Admittedly, I was very tired and a little bit tipsy.

I had an appointment this morning at 8:15 for a third day of my cycle ultrasound. I know this must be important to me, because I can't remember the last time I woke up before 7 a.m. on a Sunday!

I met my new doctor. She's very nice. She gave me a prescription for Clomid and I go back in 10 days for another ultrasound to try and determine when I ovulate.

Because my cycles are only 24 days and I am most likely ovulating late in my cycle, the current diagnosis is that I have a luteal phase deficiency. Basically, I'm ovulating, but the follicle that is releasing the egg isn't very strong and isn't releasing enough of the hormones it needs to for successful conception. Hopefully, the Clomid will strengthen the follicle.

I made two decisions today. The first was to start with 50 mg of Clomid instead of 100 mg. The higher dose would attempt to stimulate more than one follicle and if I wasn't ovulating would definitely be the way to go. Since I'm ovulating, my follicle just isn't strong enough, we went with the lower dose to stimulate just one follicle. We can go to the 100 if the 50 doesn't work.

The second decision was to try the Clomid with just intercourse this month, no IUI.

That's about it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The last few nights, I've been catching bits and pieces of Fight Club on HBO. It's impossible to watch Fight Club with a "new eye." It's impossible to go back to a time when you thought Tyler Durden was just a soap peddler he met on a plane. Genius.

I've decided to keep the fertility stuff condensed in one area. Obviously, it's on my mind a lot, but I know it's not the most interesting and cheerful topic so it makes sense to put it all in once place and, if you're interested, you can come and visit.

Love you!