Jazz Hands

I’ll be 39 weeks in a little less than 12 hours. At this point, Max’s movements feel more like pushing and a lot less like kicking or even squirming - it’s getting crowded in there. I haven’t felt any contractions. I don’t think I’ve even felt a Braxton Hicks contraction. Strange. Occasionally, I’ll feel something in my lower abdomen that I like to refer to as his jazz hands, though I think the more accurate term is spirit fingers.

My intuition tells me that I won’t go into labor before my due date. Nurse Lupe asked me if I thought I’d be seeing her next week and I when I told her yes, I definitely thought I would, she agreed.

My doctor has started calling me his easy patient. As it turned out, I didn’t need to be seen by a perinatologist, but it’s certainly been nice knowing I was in expert hands. Usually, he asks if I have any questions, and I generally don’t have any questions for him (thank you internets), but today I did ask how far past my due date he would let me go. He looked at my chart, paused, and then said, “Six months.” Ha ha doctor, very funny. He then said he didn’t like people to go too far past their date and if I made it to next week’s Tuesday appointment, he’d probably schedule an induction for Thursday or Friday of that week.

I knew I’d be having this baby soon, but it’s still a bit surreal knowing it’s pretty much a sure thing that J and I will be parents in two weekends.

Brown-Bagging

J: (After attending a luncheon earlier in the day) I ate the lunch you made me for dinner. Why are those lunches so tasty?

Me: Because they're made with love?

J: Yes, that's it. It must be the love.

Comparisons

MAX AT 37 WEEKS




















Me: Everything went fine at the appointment. They gave me blob like ultrasound picture of his face, he looks like an old man.

J: Like Winston Churchill? All babies look like Winston Churchill.


















Me: No, no. More like Henry Kissinger.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

J is a patent attorney and his area of patent specialty is software and wireless communications. J is one of those rare people that actually has degrees not only in the areas in which he is practicing, but also in areas he enjoys. His undergraduate degree included a computer science component (with physics), and his Masters degree is in Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning. Before studying law, he worked for a few large computer and wireless communication companies.

What this translates to for our relationship purposes is that much of his free time is spent on his laptop researching the latest technologies. These are not cheap items he is interested in, fortunately, he normally researches something so thoroughly that by the time he is finished and is ready to purchase, a new and improved item has been released, which he then must research and so on. Every now and again, though, he finishes his research before the next generation is available and, well, I always tell him we don’t need it or can’t afford it, but that never seems to work.

Today he ordered a Kindle and is very excited for it’s arrival. When he told me about the purchase, I told him that he should not have bought it, that we can’t afford it. He justified his actions by saying we could now cancel a good portion of our cable subscription to recoup the cost as he would be reading more and watching less TV. I told him that was great, but what was I going to do?

According to J, canceling the cable is a fine solution because I’ll have a baby and won’t be reading or watching TV ever again.

When Your Baby Daddy is Nerd Boy

When I first met J, I teased him incessantly about being a nerd. I couldn’t help myself. He came to class in wool slacks and button down shirt, he drove the most pristine Audi I’d ever seen, he was a big fan of Kevin Sorbo (of Hercules and Andromeda fame), he was working on getting his third degree, made law review the first semester ... I challenge anyone to refrain from teasing when there is that much material!

After we got to know each other a little better, I started referring to him as Nerd Boy. When he asked if that was his super hero name and I said yes, he responded that since super hero names are often based on one’s super human talent, I should hence forth be known as The Exasperater.

Fortunately for J, although he might not agree, I’ve always found nerds kind of hot and it wasn’t long before I realized I’d be a fool not to force my company upon him and insist that he not only like me, but love me, marry me, support me, and impregnate me.

Though I tell everyone that will listen, mostly young, unmarried girls, that nerds make the best husbands, it doesn’t mean they don’t have a few drawbacks. For instance, I suggested to J that Max needs a book case for his room, because little kids like stories and picture books and every little kid I’ve ever known has had lots of books. But J doesn’t think it’s necessary. Why? Because by the time Max is looking at books, he’ll have a Kindle. A Kindle?!?!?! Sigh.

Special Requests, Part II

J: That dream job in Japan is still available.
Me: Fine, you can take it as long as Max and I can stay here and you support us.
J: Ok
Me: And I'm not talking like you divorce us but still support us, we stay married. And you have to be faithful.
J: Well, if you're going to put all these conditions on it ...

Special Requests

Me: *surprised sound*
J: What, what just happened, did your water break?
Me: No, don't be silly.
J: When it does break, could you make sure your standing over the tile and not the carpet?

His head is down, his heart is turning around ...

I had an u/s at today's doctor's appointment to check to make sure my fluids looked good. I was told everything looked great and that Max's head is down, apparently he's not yet as big a procrastinator as his Mom and Dad.

Ever since the u/s tech announced Max's head was down, I've had the song, Jamaica Farewell, stuck in my head. My Dad used to sing this to us all the time when I was growing up. Ahh the memories ....

A Different Outlook

Despite the occasional nausea, the daily indigestion, the debilitating and painful carpal tunnel, the nightly insomnia, and the constant feeling that I’m going to pee my pants, I’ve felt pretty good the last several months. So good that I kind of wanted to be pregnant forever. Now that I know I can get pregnant and I will have a baby, what’s the rush? Actually having the baby just means more work and less sleep, right?

Well, today, for a short moment, instead of getting a little bit freaked out--okay, fine--instead of thinking, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GONE AND DONE,” I thought, “You know, I can do this. This is gonna be fun.”

Observations

J: Did you buy hummus at the Middle Eastern market?

Me: What?

J: I saw hummus in the fridge, did you buy that?

Me: Oh, yeah, I did.

J: When?

Me: When A and his girlfriend came over to watch the game.

J: Why?

Me: Because they're skinny. Skinny people like hummus.

Goodbye Christmas

I love Christmas, especially the decorations. I'm not hugely talented at decorating, but I'm a big fan of HGTV and like to try my hand at something new every now and then. Of course, now that it's time to pack everything away, I'm thinking maybe not decorating would have been okay.

This year, I tried something new with the kitchen ceiling by hanging glass ornaments from it. I used the 3m temporary hooks so I didn't have to worry about putting holes in the dry wall, strung some iridescent beads on clear beading nylon and then tied the balls to the end. I'm thinking now that some colorful ribbon might have been prettier, and I really need some turquoise thrown in, but I wasn't wholly unhappy with the outcome.

Below are a few pics from this year's holiday decorating endeavors. I'm looking for a blue velvet stocking for Max that matches the ones I currently have, along with an at least coordinating stocking hanger. A train would be nice. If you come across something you think would work, please let me know.

I hope you all have a glorious 2009!

Cookie All Clear!

The numbers for my three hour glucose test came back and I do not have gestational diabetes. Thank you cookie Gods! No u/s at my doctor's appointment today, but I did hear Max's heartbeat. The doctor said I'm doing great! Only about 10 more weeks to go.

Alien Baby Checks In

There is a very nice girl I know with two beautiful daughters and a very handsome son. Her son was born within the last few months. Shortly before she gave birth, she posted a video to her blog of her belly. Now this girl works very hard at staying fit and slim and stayed that way throughout her pregnancy. In the video, you can see her belly move pronouncedly from the baby moving. When I watched it the first time, I was a little disconcerted. It made me sort of grateful that, in the words of the radiologist, I'm "fluffy." I figured I probably wouldn't be able to see my stomach respond to all the baby acrobatics.

Yesterday, I was sitting on my couch watching the Denver-Buffalo game (THANK YOU BUFFALO! GO CHARGERS!) when all of a sudden I saw my stomach jump. Holy crap was it freaky! I made J watch and it happened again and he saw it -- though he wants to know why he should believe me that it was the baby and not just some particularly bad gas. As freaky as it was, and it really was freaky, it was also really beautiful and amazing and I cannot wait to see it again!

Cookies Are the Reason for the Season

I knew that if I conceived booze was off limits. And I knew there would be other things off limits, too, but I didn’t really have a grasp on how long a list it was. Now I know that with some of these things it’s more about moderation than full abstinence, or it’s more suggested than required, or still being further investigated, but they are still things “to be avoided.”

Let’s see, there’s 1) booze, 2) ibuprofen, 3) caffeine, 4) artificial sweeteners, 5) lunch meats, 6) hot dogs, 7) certain types of herbal teas, including green tea, 8) raw meat/sushi (also rare meats like a medium rare hamburger), 9) tuna, or other fish high in mercury; 10) raw eggs, or foods made from raw eggs like custards, 11) unpasteurized cheese/dairy products, and 12) all the others I’m forgetting.

List item No. 1 left me a bit sad (oh how I love you red wine) and looking for a happiness replacement. But I couldn’t even turn to items No. 3, 5 and 6 as substitutes. Oh sad day! So I turned to cookies. I’m really not much of a sweets person, so it’s not like I’ll down a carton of Costco cookies in a sitting, but a cookie here and there does help generate the smiles. Especially at Christmas. We all know that it’s really cookies that are the reason for the season.

So even though it’s football season and I can’t drink beer, and even though it’s the holiday season and I can’t drink wine, at least I have cookies, right? RIGHT? Well, actually, maybe not.

I had my first gestational diabetes screening last Friday, the one hour glucose test, and I failed. Ack! Now, not all hope is lost. I have the three hour follow up test this Friday. There are many women that fail the one hour and pass the three hour with flying colors. Please please please think good thoughts that I’m am one of these women. Because, well, I freakin’ deserve some holiday cookie happiness!

Nicknames

The baby will be named Max. Just Max. Not Maxwell, not Maxfield, not etc.. It's a family name. My Mom's brother is Max, but they called him Maxie growing up and still do, so I'm sure we'll call the baby Maxie, especially since we are already calling the puppy Maxie.

J and I have taken to calling the baby Maxie Pad - which is good because then by the time his classmates do it, he'll be desensitized and can say, "Ya, good one, so original." But it's also bad, very bad, because how do you explain to a kid what a MaxiPad is?

The last few days I've been calling him Maxie Bear. Like Teddy Bear, since his middle name is Theodore after Roosevelt. J says that is exceptionally lame. Thoughts? What would you call him? Our friend Phil wants to call him Teddy Max, says it's cool, I have no idea why he thinks it's cool? What am I not getting here?

Favorites

Me: What was your favorite toy as a child?

J: I don't know.

Me: I always liked my Tinker Toys.

J: Well then mine would be my Lego blocks. I'd create little towns with their own economies and the blue people would oppress the red people. The red people were always the ones that died when the aliens attacked.

You can’t understand until you’re a Mother. You’ll understand when you’re a Mother. Until you’re a mother, you won’t understand.

Ever since my first few friends or similarly aged family members had their first children, I’ve been hearing the above. In the beginning, I was just all, yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Sure, the comments are a wee bit annoying for a non-Mom to hear, but when you aren’t looking to have a kid anytime soon, you can easily suffer through them.

It’s a different story when your dealing with infertility. Or even if you’ve made a decision not to have kids. Some statements can be true. They can be the most true things you’ve ever heard. You can hear them and know they ring with truth. But it doesn’t make them easy to hear or even okay things for someone to say.

Expecting Max is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. But it doesn’t erase all the hurt, all the memories of three plus years of infertility. Even the “you’ll know soon enough” comments are hard. Because you know what, if it hadn’t been for those three years of heartache, I’d know now. I don’t mean to say that I’m not very lucky. I am. And I don’t mean to say that I still hurt the same way women still struggling with infertility hurt. I don’t. But I do know how they are hurting, I remember it. I was there. And I’m going to try to keep on remembering so that I don’t hurt someone with my words.

Mmmm, tasty baby legs.

Sauteed Baby Legs with Tomato Garlic Butter

1 pound large baby legs
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon Essence
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1/4 cup minced shallots
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/2 cup chopped fresh tomatoes, peeled and seeded
Salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley leaves

Directions

Cut the baby legs in half. Season both the legs and flour with Essence. In a large saute pan, over medium heat, melt the butter. Dredge the baby legs in the seasoned flour and shake to remove any excess flour. Add the baby legs to the hot pan and saute until golden, turning as needed, about 2 to 3 minutes each side. Add the shallots and garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, season with salt and pepper, and cook for 1 minute. Add the wine, simmer for 2 minutes, then stir in the parsley. Remove from the heat and serve.

How To Make Your Husband "Uninterested" in You

Tell him you sent a picture of yourself to his Mom so she could see your pregnancy belly, and that she wrote back and wants to know if he can see how much you resemble his sister in the picture.

When Your Parents' Dog and Your Fetus Have the Same Name

Poor puppy Max bit into an electrical wire yesterday, was electrocuted, suffered pulmonary edema and almost died. Fortunately, he pulled through after 24 hours at the vet hospital on oxygen. We found out this morning that he's doing much better. He's home now and seems to be doing ok.

Last night, I called J at work close to tears and said, "Max might die." Needless to say, J was a bit freaked out. Poor J.