When Your Baby Daddy is Nerd Boy

When I first met J, I teased him incessantly about being a nerd. I couldn’t help myself. He came to class in wool slacks and button down shirt, he drove the most pristine Audi I’d ever seen, he was a big fan of Kevin Sorbo (of Hercules and Andromeda fame), he was working on getting his third degree, made law review the first semester ... I challenge anyone to refrain from teasing when there is that much material!

After we got to know each other a little better, I started referring to him as Nerd Boy. When he asked if that was his super hero name and I said yes, he responded that since super hero names are often based on one’s super human talent, I should hence forth be known as The Exasperater.

Fortunately for J, although he might not agree, I’ve always found nerds kind of hot and it wasn’t long before I realized I’d be a fool not to force my company upon him and insist that he not only like me, but love me, marry me, support me, and impregnate me.

Though I tell everyone that will listen, mostly young, unmarried girls, that nerds make the best husbands, it doesn’t mean they don’t have a few drawbacks. For instance, I suggested to J that Max needs a book case for his room, because little kids like stories and picture books and every little kid I’ve ever known has had lots of books. But J doesn’t think it’s necessary. Why? Because by the time Max is looking at books, he’ll have a Kindle. A Kindle?!?!?! Sigh.

Special Requests, Part II

J: That dream job in Japan is still available.
Me: Fine, you can take it as long as Max and I can stay here and you support us.
J: Ok
Me: And I'm not talking like you divorce us but still support us, we stay married. And you have to be faithful.
J: Well, if you're going to put all these conditions on it ...

Special Requests

Me: *surprised sound*
J: What, what just happened, did your water break?
Me: No, don't be silly.
J: When it does break, could you make sure your standing over the tile and not the carpet?

His head is down, his heart is turning around ...

I had an u/s at today's doctor's appointment to check to make sure my fluids looked good. I was told everything looked great and that Max's head is down, apparently he's not yet as big a procrastinator as his Mom and Dad.

Ever since the u/s tech announced Max's head was down, I've had the song, Jamaica Farewell, stuck in my head. My Dad used to sing this to us all the time when I was growing up. Ahh the memories ....

A Different Outlook

Despite the occasional nausea, the daily indigestion, the debilitating and painful carpal tunnel, the nightly insomnia, and the constant feeling that I’m going to pee my pants, I’ve felt pretty good the last several months. So good that I kind of wanted to be pregnant forever. Now that I know I can get pregnant and I will have a baby, what’s the rush? Actually having the baby just means more work and less sleep, right?

Well, today, for a short moment, instead of getting a little bit freaked out--okay, fine--instead of thinking, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GONE AND DONE,” I thought, “You know, I can do this. This is gonna be fun.”

Observations

J: Did you buy hummus at the Middle Eastern market?

Me: What?

J: I saw hummus in the fridge, did you buy that?

Me: Oh, yeah, I did.

J: When?

Me: When A and his girlfriend came over to watch the game.

J: Why?

Me: Because they're skinny. Skinny people like hummus.

Goodbye Christmas

I love Christmas, especially the decorations. I'm not hugely talented at decorating, but I'm a big fan of HGTV and like to try my hand at something new every now and then. Of course, now that it's time to pack everything away, I'm thinking maybe not decorating would have been okay.

This year, I tried something new with the kitchen ceiling by hanging glass ornaments from it. I used the 3m temporary hooks so I didn't have to worry about putting holes in the dry wall, strung some iridescent beads on clear beading nylon and then tied the balls to the end. I'm thinking now that some colorful ribbon might have been prettier, and I really need some turquoise thrown in, but I wasn't wholly unhappy with the outcome.

Below are a few pics from this year's holiday decorating endeavors. I'm looking for a blue velvet stocking for Max that matches the ones I currently have, along with an at least coordinating stocking hanger. A train would be nice. If you come across something you think would work, please let me know.

I hope you all have a glorious 2009!

Cookie All Clear!

The numbers for my three hour glucose test came back and I do not have gestational diabetes. Thank you cookie Gods! No u/s at my doctor's appointment today, but I did hear Max's heartbeat. The doctor said I'm doing great! Only about 10 more weeks to go.

Alien Baby Checks In

There is a very nice girl I know with two beautiful daughters and a very handsome son. Her son was born within the last few months. Shortly before she gave birth, she posted a video to her blog of her belly. Now this girl works very hard at staying fit and slim and stayed that way throughout her pregnancy. In the video, you can see her belly move pronouncedly from the baby moving. When I watched it the first time, I was a little disconcerted. It made me sort of grateful that, in the words of the radiologist, I'm "fluffy." I figured I probably wouldn't be able to see my stomach respond to all the baby acrobatics.

Yesterday, I was sitting on my couch watching the Denver-Buffalo game (THANK YOU BUFFALO! GO CHARGERS!) when all of a sudden I saw my stomach jump. Holy crap was it freaky! I made J watch and it happened again and he saw it -- though he wants to know why he should believe me that it was the baby and not just some particularly bad gas. As freaky as it was, and it really was freaky, it was also really beautiful and amazing and I cannot wait to see it again!

Cookies Are the Reason for the Season

I knew that if I conceived booze was off limits. And I knew there would be other things off limits, too, but I didn’t really have a grasp on how long a list it was. Now I know that with some of these things it’s more about moderation than full abstinence, or it’s more suggested than required, or still being further investigated, but they are still things “to be avoided.”

Let’s see, there’s 1) booze, 2) ibuprofen, 3) caffeine, 4) artificial sweeteners, 5) lunch meats, 6) hot dogs, 7) certain types of herbal teas, including green tea, 8) raw meat/sushi (also rare meats like a medium rare hamburger), 9) tuna, or other fish high in mercury; 10) raw eggs, or foods made from raw eggs like custards, 11) unpasteurized cheese/dairy products, and 12) all the others I’m forgetting.

List item No. 1 left me a bit sad (oh how I love you red wine) and looking for a happiness replacement. But I couldn’t even turn to items No. 3, 5 and 6 as substitutes. Oh sad day! So I turned to cookies. I’m really not much of a sweets person, so it’s not like I’ll down a carton of Costco cookies in a sitting, but a cookie here and there does help generate the smiles. Especially at Christmas. We all know that it’s really cookies that are the reason for the season.

So even though it’s football season and I can’t drink beer, and even though it’s the holiday season and I can’t drink wine, at least I have cookies, right? RIGHT? Well, actually, maybe not.

I had my first gestational diabetes screening last Friday, the one hour glucose test, and I failed. Ack! Now, not all hope is lost. I have the three hour follow up test this Friday. There are many women that fail the one hour and pass the three hour with flying colors. Please please please think good thoughts that I’m am one of these women. Because, well, I freakin’ deserve some holiday cookie happiness!

Nicknames

The baby will be named Max. Just Max. Not Maxwell, not Maxfield, not etc.. It's a family name. My Mom's brother is Max, but they called him Maxie growing up and still do, so I'm sure we'll call the baby Maxie, especially since we are already calling the puppy Maxie.

J and I have taken to calling the baby Maxie Pad - which is good because then by the time his classmates do it, he'll be desensitized and can say, "Ya, good one, so original." But it's also bad, very bad, because how do you explain to a kid what a MaxiPad is?

The last few days I've been calling him Maxie Bear. Like Teddy Bear, since his middle name is Theodore after Roosevelt. J says that is exceptionally lame. Thoughts? What would you call him? Our friend Phil wants to call him Teddy Max, says it's cool, I have no idea why he thinks it's cool? What am I not getting here?

Favorites

Me: What was your favorite toy as a child?

J: I don't know.

Me: I always liked my Tinker Toys.

J: Well then mine would be my Lego blocks. I'd create little towns with their own economies and the blue people would oppress the red people. The red people were always the ones that died when the aliens attacked.

You can’t understand until you’re a Mother. You’ll understand when you’re a Mother. Until you’re a mother, you won’t understand.

Ever since my first few friends or similarly aged family members had their first children, I’ve been hearing the above. In the beginning, I was just all, yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Sure, the comments are a wee bit annoying for a non-Mom to hear, but when you aren’t looking to have a kid anytime soon, you can easily suffer through them.

It’s a different story when your dealing with infertility. Or even if you’ve made a decision not to have kids. Some statements can be true. They can be the most true things you’ve ever heard. You can hear them and know they ring with truth. But it doesn’t make them easy to hear or even okay things for someone to say.

Expecting Max is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. But it doesn’t erase all the hurt, all the memories of three plus years of infertility. Even the “you’ll know soon enough” comments are hard. Because you know what, if it hadn’t been for those three years of heartache, I’d know now. I don’t mean to say that I’m not very lucky. I am. And I don’t mean to say that I still hurt the same way women still struggling with infertility hurt. I don’t. But I do know how they are hurting, I remember it. I was there. And I’m going to try to keep on remembering so that I don’t hurt someone with my words.

Mmmm, tasty baby legs.

Sauteed Baby Legs with Tomato Garlic Butter

1 pound large baby legs
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon Essence
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1/4 cup minced shallots
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/2 cup chopped fresh tomatoes, peeled and seeded
Salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley leaves

Directions

Cut the baby legs in half. Season both the legs and flour with Essence. In a large saute pan, over medium heat, melt the butter. Dredge the baby legs in the seasoned flour and shake to remove any excess flour. Add the baby legs to the hot pan and saute until golden, turning as needed, about 2 to 3 minutes each side. Add the shallots and garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, season with salt and pepper, and cook for 1 minute. Add the wine, simmer for 2 minutes, then stir in the parsley. Remove from the heat and serve.

How To Make Your Husband "Uninterested" in You

Tell him you sent a picture of yourself to his Mom so she could see your pregnancy belly, and that she wrote back and wants to know if he can see how much you resemble his sister in the picture.

When Your Parents' Dog and Your Fetus Have the Same Name

Poor puppy Max bit into an electrical wire yesterday, was electrocuted, suffered pulmonary edema and almost died. Fortunately, he pulled through after 24 hours at the vet hospital on oxygen. We found out this morning that he's doing much better. He's home now and seems to be doing ok.

Last night, I called J at work close to tears and said, "Max might die." Needless to say, J was a bit freaked out. Poor J.

He looks perfect and let me tell you why ...

I had a routine appointment with my obstetrician on Tuesday. He did a quick ultrasound and there is still a baby inside me. Yay! While I am feeling Max move at this point, it’s not with any regularity and, as a new time mom-to-be, I start questioning whether what I’m feeling is really movement. It was nice to see a heartbeat on the monitor.

Rain in San Diego is, sadly, very rare. While I love the rainy weather, I have to admit it wreaks havoc on the streets and freeways here. I was about 5 minutes late for my appointment. My doctor was about 40 minutes late. When he walked into the exam room, he immediately apologized and explained he’d been busy counting the white dots he was slowly driving by on the freeway. When he said this, I blurted out, “Oh, on the 56!” He looked at little perplexed at how I might know that, but admitted that yes it was the 56. To which I mumbled something about how I sit in the 56 traffic every day, it’s always bad. Which IS true.

But, ok, how did I know he meant the 56? Uhh, well, that’s because I looked up his medical license with the state medical board and he listed it under his home address. Come on, you can’t fight that kind of temptation. Of course I Google Mapped it and looked at the aerial photos of his house. Admit it, you would have done the same thing. Everyone wants to know just how grand a style their doctor lives in.

Despite being 40 minutes late with 28 appointments that day, and probably thinking I was a stalker, my doctor very kindly spent some time pointing out different things on the ultrasound monitor and telling me everything looked perfect and why he knew everything looked perfect. Something about the heart and the chamber and the fluid around it and the amniotic fluid. Sorry for the hazy science details, but when you’re looking at your baby, and wondering if your doctor is going to change his locks that night, it’s hard to concentrate on much else.

They Really Do Laugh at You

When I was in high school, I would sometimes wonder if teachers would talk about students outside of class, if they would share gossip and humiliating stories. Back then, I gave my teachers almost priest like characteristics. Surely it was all kept in confidence. WRONG! They are talking about you (or they did), most of the time with much laughter!

I spent an enjoyable afternoon yesterday at my friend Amy's house and after the kid birthday party fun had died down, a few of us adults, some high school teachers, sat around talking about the upcoming election. We expectedly got onto the topic of Prop 8, but then somehow wandered our way around to high school sex education classes and some of the funnier sexual queries of the high school Sophomore. One thing no one in the room seemed to know any better than these students was the nutritional content of semen.

As I said I would, I did a bit of research this afternoon on the topic. There are a few contradicting answers out there. One site says a tablespoon of semen contains approximately six calories, another that a teaspoon of has 5-7 calories. The general consensus is that the caloric value is very low, with next to no fat. As to the Weight Watcher point value, I'd advise one to consider it 0 points, unless copious amounts are being consumed. There are those hard core Weight Watchers, however, that believe that no non-vegetable food is 0 points. In which case, I would recommend journaling it as .5 points.

Jon Hamm's John Ham - Finally, ham you can eat in the bathroom.

It's probably a good thing that I'm having a boy. When he's 12, we'll have the same sense of humor.

Do leprechauns get angry when you make fun of their height? Yeah, but only a little!

I haven’t updated this blog for awhile because there isn’t much exciting going on. With regard to Max, I spoke to the nurse today, after a short game of telephone tag, regarding the Maternal Serum Alpha-Fetoprotein Test (aka AFP) (which mainly tests for neural tube defects). The test results were negative which is great.

I posted a few weeks ago a scanned copy of an ultra sound photo from the Anatomy Scan Ultrasound. In general, the scan went well. They did locate what is known as a soft marker for Downs Syndrome. This does not mean that Max has Downs, and it probably means nothing at all, but one of the things they look for during the scan to diagnose Downs is the length of the femur. Max’s femur length is running a wee bit small. It only increases the chances of Downs from 1 in 6500 per the Nuchal Fold Screen, to 1 in 4500, and as neither J nor I could ever claim to be tall, and J actually has incredibly short legs, we are betting on it just being genetics.

An Amniocentesis would give a very accurate diagnoses one way or the other, however, the risk of miscarriage after an amnio is 1 in 400. Because the odds of Max having Downs are currently at 1 in 4500, they would lose 10 healthy babies performing an amnio to find one with Downs. Woah, I know, way too much math.

Of course, I’d have preferred them to have found nothing out of the ordinary with the scan, but we are staying positive. As J said, I do come from a long line of Irish leprechauns.