Political Correctness - Soiled Diaper Edition

Max and I are still working on the breastfeeding. He isn't transferring milk when I put him to breast, so I am pumping and supplementing with formula. Yesterday, I went to the breastfeeding support group sponsored by my lactation consultant.

I like the lactation consultant, but I've found that a lot of the breast feeding gurus I've come in contact with are, well, I'm not sure what, but I can say they just don't get me. I'm willing to take the blame here, that I have a bit of an odd personality. Toward the end of the group meeting yesterday, Max soiled his diaper. I began cajoling him for it, telling him he was stinky. I was saying it in a very loving way, but one of the group assistants turned to me and said, "He's not stinky, he's not stinky." I was shamed, shamed for calling my baby stinky. Ahhhh.

I told J about it last night and now that a little bit of time has passed, I can laugh over the fact that I was upset by it, actually, J made me laugh hysterically over it this morning.

Max: (in his rocker) Grunt. Whine. Grunt.

Karen: Just a second boo ...

J: What's the matter stinky?

Karen: He's not stinky.

J: OK, he's not stinky. He's differently smelling.

"Let's do the time warp again."

Yesterday was Max's one week birthday. Happy Birthday Max! To celebrate his Birthday, Max got dressed up in a snazzy little onesie and sat for a short photo shoot.




Everyone in our little family is doing well, though Mom and Dad are a bit sleepy from the late night feedings and pumping sessions. Max, however, is getting lots and lots of sleep. Time, for the most part, is going by very quickly. One second it's 4 p.m., the next time you look up at the clock it's 10 p.m. and your wondering how it got to be so late? J and I have begun referring to it has the "Baby Time Warp." One very interesting thing about the Baby Time Warp is that time goes by exceptionally fast unless it's one of my 15 minute pumping sessions. Then time goes by v e r y v e r y s l o w l y.

Max and I have developed a little thing we like to do each feeding. When he's finished with his meal, I dab the sides of his mouth and say, "Monsieur, a wafer-thin mint. I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Oh sir, just ... just one ... all right. Just one." And then I giggle. It just never gets old to me.

Introducing -- Me! Guest post by Max Theodore

I was born on my due date, 3/4, at 4:34 a.m.. Pretty awesome stats. I was 21 inches, and weighed 7lbs 1 oz.

My Mom's contractions started at 7:30 a.m. on Tuesday (3/3). She kept her 10 a.m. doctor appointment where they did an u/s and said everything looked good, but they didn't do an internal. They didn't do an internal at any of her prenatal appointments. I think her doctor didn't believe her contractions were real. He even scheduled an induction for this Monday if I wasn't born by then.

Mom stayed home from work the rest of the day with contractions. Dad went to his office and came home at around six that night. Mom showered a few times during the day which totally made her contractions less painful. She began timing them in earnest at 7:20 p.m. and was having contractions every 3-5 minutes. At 8:30, she called Labor and Delivery. They told her to call back if they went on another hour. They continued every 3-5 minutes so at 9:30 she called back and was told to come in.

Mom and Dad got to the hospital at just after 10 p.m. The first thing the doctor did was an ultrasound. Mom still had plenty of amniotic fluid and I still looked great. The resident checking Mom said she'd see how far dilated she was, and if she wasn't very far, she could walk around a few hours and come back. Turns out Mom was already 6 cm. The resident asked her what her pain management plan was and she told her originally she wanted to have a natural birth but changed her mind and wanted all the drugs they could give her as soon as possible. The resident liked that plan, paged anesthesiology, and the nurse took her blood platelets. After that, the nurse she spoke to on the phone came in to meet her and tell Mom she was glad she had her come in and that she almost didn't because Mom sounded too good on the phone to be 6 cms. I'm glad she had her come in, too. Mom told the nurse that she tries to stay cheerful most of the time. I hope this is true.

Unfortunately, there were two emergency C sections being performed and the anesthesiologist wasn't available. Mom was 8 cm and contracting pretty hard when he finally got to our room. They tried 4 times, including with an u/s machine but couldn't get her epidural to work, and it hurt the whole time they tried even with the local anesthesia. She told them that was it, she couldn't go through them trying again. Three different doctors came to make sure she didn't want them to try to fix it but she just couldn't go through it with the painful contractions she was having. Of course, at that point, they hadn't broken her water and she didn't understand how much more it would hurt.

The doctor broke her water and for another hour she was in the worst pain she's ever known or imagined. She broke down and paged the nurse telling her she felt pressure all the time (she hoped it was time to push). Another resident checked her and she was 9 cm. She had to get to 10 and even when she got there, they said she'd probably still have to contract at 10 cm for an hour to reduce pushing time. A little less than hour went buy and she paged them and said, "I can't not push with the contractions, I can't not push, I just can't." She couldn't, it was impossible to shut off the instinct no matter how much she tried and it hurt so badly.

So they checked and she was 10 cm. She pushed for 40 minutes and out came me - baby Max. The pain was totally manageable once she could push, but actually having me out of her was the best thing ever. Unfortunately, Dad isn't going to let her live it down that when they placed me on her right after I was born she said, "Oh, little Maxie Pad." I realize that she calls me this lovingly, but it's not nice to make fun within seconds of my birth. Also, at one point, when the resident had his hands up in her and was pushing on her uterus to firm it up and stop blood flow, get out some clots, etc., she said the F word. Such a potty mouth. But the doctors laughed and said, "No worries, whatever you need to get through it." They also stitched her up because despite lubing my head before the final pushing, I did make her tear a little bit. She's not sure how much because they didn't say and she's too afraid to look.

Mom and Dad agree that one of the best parts of the whole thing was the nurse giving Mom a cup of ice chips and on about the fourth set of pushing, the nurse asked Mom if she wanted some more ice chips. Mom said, "No, I don't want it in my mouth, I'm afraid I might swallow." Mom couldn't believe what she had said and looked at Dad with this did you hear what I just said look. It took Dad a second to figure it out, and then he actually responded with, "That's what she said." The nurse was all, "I see you watch The Office." My parents are so embarassing!

We left the hospital the day after I was born. Things are good though breast feeding has not been going well. Today, Mom and Dad broke down and gave me some formula and for now I'm the happiest baby ever. Mom has an appointment tomorrow with a consultant and hopefully she and I will figure this stuff out.

Here are a few pics and a video of me on my first night home (it's really long (they made it for my PA Grandma), it's also sideways because my parents are not very smart).Me and Mom

On the way to my first pediatric appointment.

Troubleshooting the server with Dad.