Good News!

My levels went up, boy did they go up. From 134 to 416! They more than tripled. I could still only be having one, but I could be having more than one. It didn't feel like more than one, it felt like one. Maybe it is only one. If it's two, I can deal, that's okay. I knew it was a possibility. But wow. Just wow. I think it's okay to feel a little, umh, overwhelmed. The doctor said they'd be looking for more than one at the ultrasound. July 8th seems like a really long way away. But the good news is the levels went up!

Cawww! Cawww!

I have a small tattoo of a dragon fly on my lower back. Fine, I have a tramp stamp of a dragon fly.

I was brushing my teeth this morning and J could see my tattoo. He rolled his eyes and said, "By the time you give birth, that'll be a pterodactyl." Then he started making pterodactyl noises.

I wanted to be angry, but I was laughing too hard.

I AM PREGNANT!

I had the pregnancy confirmed with a serum blood test today. I had the test done at noon and my doctor has already called me with the results. How's that for service! I give it a five out of five stars!

I asked her the levels number (134) and then was all, "Is that normal?" I don't know why I asked, I knew she couldn't tell me without a second test. She nicely explained that she couldn't say it was normal without another test and very kindly said she could have another test ordered for Thursday if I wanted. I'm obviously a testing junkie. Yes, test me again. Yes! Bring on the Thursday test!!

I am pregnant.

It still feels a little odd to say it. Again, I have this incredible urge to knock on wood. But I talked to my doctor today and she said the shot would have been out of my system in five days.

If we are really close friends, please don't be mad that you found out I was pregnant from my blog. Ha!

Here is today's pregnancy test. I'm still working with just a camera phone so bear with me. I suppose maybe a camera that works before the baby comes would be in order.

The doctor ordered a blood test, but I'll only have the one unless I'm spotting or there is some other indication of a problem. I can just walk in for the test so will probably go tomorrow. I will call her on Wednesday for the results. She also scheduled an ultrasound for July 8th.

Keep thinking all those "happy baby thoughts" for me!!!

TTC 106: Labelling and Categorizing Your Pregnancy Tests (Required for TTC Major)

As far as I could tell, the pregnancy tests I took Wednesday night, Thursday morning and Friday morning were all negative. If you look online, many people say the hCG from the ovulation trigger shot is out of your system in 10 days. There are the more cautious who say it can stay in your system for 12-14 days. I have a few friends that are either going through the same steps as I am, or have been through them, and they all say 10 days, a few say as early as 6-7.

I was out of tests, so I bought some Fact Plus tests on Friday night, they were on sale. I took a test Saturday a.m., 11 days after the hCG shot, and saw the very very very faintest of lines. I immediately ran out and bought a digital which read, "Pregnant." I had that fluttering excitement moment I bet most women have, but then it was replaced by doubt. To be really sure, I needed a First Response test for comparison. So I ran out and bought a box of First Response tests. The two I took yesterday said positive. I still wasn't sold.

I took another digital and First response this morning, 12 days after the shot, well, technically 11 days and 22 hours, and they were both postive. Of course, I'm still doubting it all. Maybe this batch of tests is more sensitive? Maybe I missed something with the negatives before?

If I'm not pregnant, I've still learned a valuable lesson. Do not test until day 14! You'll save on sanity and money.

One little, two little, three little pregnancy tests ....

Over the last three years, I've spent a small fortune on pregnancy tests and am continuing to do so this month.

The problem with the ovulation trigger shot is that the hormone in it is the same hormone you secrete when pregnant and which home pregnancy tests measure. Test too early, before your body has metabolized the drug, and you get a false positive, not a good thing for somebody already in a precarious emotional state.

I took a risk and tested last night and it was negative. This is a good thing. It would be too early for a real positive, and this confirms the hCG from the shot is out of my system. Of course, to be sure, I tested again this morning, still negative, and you can bet I'll be testing tomorrow and Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday ....

The Waiting

So, I have Tom Petty's The Waiting stuck in my head. I wonder why? The video has me thinking two things: 1) she really did look a lot like Tom Petty, and 2) the 80s were really freaking awesome.

If the poet would permit me license ....

I sing the Body electric;
....
And if the body does not do as much as the Soul?
And if the body were not the Soul, what is the Soul?
....
The love of the body of man or woman balks account—the body itself balks account;
That of the male is perfect, and that of the female is perfect.
....
The sprawl and fullness of babes, the bosoms and heads of women, the folds of their dress, their style as we pass in the street, the contour of their shape downwards,
....
The female soothing a child—the farmer’s daughter in the garden or cow-yard,
The young fellow hoeing corn—the sleigh-driver guiding his six horses through the crowd,
....
The natural, perfect, varied attitudes—the bent head, the curv’d neck, and the counting;
Such-like I love—I loosen myself, pass freely, am at the mother’s breast with the little child,
....
I know a man, a common farmer—the father of five sons;
And in them were the fathers of sons—and in them were the fathers of sons.
....
This is the female form;
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot;
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction!
....
This is the nucleus—after the child is born of woman, the man is born of woman;
This is the bath of birth—this is the merge of small and large, and the outlet again.

Be not ashamed, women—your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest;
You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.

The female contains all qualities, and tempers them—she is in her place, and moves with perfect balance;
She is all things duly veil’d—she is both passive and active;
She is to conceive daughters as well as sons, and sons as well as daughters.

The male is not less the soul, nor more—he too is in his place;
He too is all qualities—he is action and power;
....
The man’s body is sacred, and the woman’s body is sacred;
No matter who it is, it is sacred;
....
This is not only one man—this is the father of those who shall be fathers in their turns;
In him the start of populous states and rich republics;
Of him countless immortal lives, with countless embodiments and enjoyments.

How do you know who shall come from the offspring of his offspring through the centuries?
Who might you find you have come from yourself, if you could trace back through the centuries?
....
She too is not only herself—she is the teeming mother of mothers;
She is the bearer of them that shall grow and be mates to the mothers.

Have you ever loved the Body of a woman?
Have you ever loved the Body of a man?
....
Womanhood, and all that is a woman—and the man that comes from woman,
The womb, the teats, nipples, breast-milk, tears, laughter, weeping, love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,
...
O I say, these are not the parts and poems of the Body only, but of the Soul,
O I say now these are the Soul!

-Excerpts from "I Sing the Body Electric," Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman

“Think happy baby thoughts.”

I had my first IUI this morning. I woke up at 5:20 and took an ovulation predictor test to see if it was positive. I figured that if it was positive, that meant I did get enough of the Ovidrel into my body since the Ovidrel causes a positive on an OPK. It was positive.

By far the hardest thing about the whole process was getting J to wake up at 5:30. He didn’t actually get out of bed until 5:45. I’m sure he’d have procrastinated longer had I not told him his appointment to umh, do his part, was at 6:45, when it was actually at 7. Yes, I’m a very smart wife.

Last night, he was complaining about getting up early and threatening not to shower or get dressed before going in, “Hi, I’m the homeless man Karen found on the streets and paid to give a semen sample. Do you have any donuts?”

It takes about an hour for them to wash the sperm. They cannot inject seminal fluid into your uterus so they have to separate the sperm from the other matter. I’m very curious about the whole thing so I asked the doctor exactly how they do it. I couldn’t see her face while she was explaining since she was fiddling with my vagina at the time. I hope she didn’t think it was an odd thing to ask.

When she walked into the exam room, she commented on my husband not being able to stay for the actual IUI. I had thought about the possibility in passing but never even suggested it to him, I’d rather he got home early and we could spend some time together tonight. I called J later on and mentioned it to him, that maybe the norm was for him to be there during conception. He had a good point, that if conception occurred, it would be later today and not during the IUI. So maybe we’ll conceive over dinner tonight.

Right as the doctor injected the sperm, she said, “Okay, I’m injecting the sperm, think happy baby thoughts, happy baby thoughts, happy baby thoughts.” I’d been pretty relaxed and pretty happy up until that moment, but after hearing “think happy baby thoughts,” every bad thought, worry, etc. I’ve ever had went through my head. It’s like when someone tells you not to move and you suddenly have this uncontrollable urge to dance a jig.

Meet Max?

When I was 21, I lived with one of my best friends, Amy. Hi Amy! We would often go to the local video rental store to pick up a movie and visit the clerk’s miniature dachshund - Chili Cheese. A few months after meeting Chili Cheese, we wandered into a upscale pet shop selling a AKC breed dachshund. He was the cutest thing ever and a few days later, with the encouragement of Amy, I was walking out of the store with Chewbacca (Chewie). The next year or so he wreaked havoc in our little Hillcrest cottage. Sorry Amy! Eventually, some neighbors left a note about him barking and Chewie went to live with my Mom and Dad and their 150lb German Shepherd, Jumbo.

A little over a year ago, Chewie became very sick and had to be euthanized. Chewie was a sweet puppy and stole my Mother’s heart. Him being ill and then passing was hard for her and she couldn’t even think of getting a new dog until recently. Just last week, though, she and my Dad put a deposit down on a new dachshund puppy who they will be able to bring home on July 22nd. She was convinced it was a sign the time was right when she learned the Mom of the litter was named Chloe, the name of my parents' first dog. She was further swayed by the name the breeder gave the puppy, Max. My great grandfather was named Max, my grandfather was named Max, my uncle is named Max, and my cousin is named Max. Obviously, it's a family name. Isn’t Puppy Max cute?!

My parents don’t know yet if they will rename him. The funny thing is, if I ever have a baby boy, I want to name him Max. J wasn’t sold on the name until he learned about the new puppy. Now he’s all for it. We’re both very excited at the prospect of teasing our son about being named after Grandma and Grandpa’s dog. Because that’s the kind of parents we’ll be.

After my ultrasound today, the doctor left up the image of my largest follicle. Before I left the room, I said hello to little Max or Frances. God I hope that Ovidrel shot worked.

The Good and The Bad

I went to the doctor this morning and got wonderful news. I have one follicle at 20mm which is great. Another at 15 which is ok - 30% chance of conception with that one. But I really only want one, so that's fine with me.

I was to give myself my shot to make me ovulate this morning with an IUI tomorrow! Yay! But I had to give it to myself in a parking lot, fun stuff, and some of the Ovidrel didn't make it into me. Some of it did, but definitely not all of it. I'm such a doofus. I called the doctor and she thinks it should still be ok, I only need half of it to ovulate, but seriously! That was one of the easiest parts of it all.

Kind of a Bummer

I had my ultrasound today and she said my dominant follicle had stopped growing? I guess she had remeasured the follicles last time and they weren't 12 and 14 but 11 and 16 and today the dominant was only 17 - they grow 1mm to 3 mm a day. Because it was two days later, it should have been larger. A follicle isn't mature until it's 18 mm, so I can't give myself the shot yet. She's going to recheck again on Tuesday morning.

"No way, YOU'RE an attorney?"

Obviously, I'm doing something wrong (or maybe something right), because people always seem taken aback when I tell them I'm an attorney. I had reason to mention it to my RE this morning and I got the above reaction. Apparently, she was surprised because I don't "seem like [I'm] under a lot of stress." I should have invited her over to hold me at night while I'm curled up in a ball rocking back and forth crying "oh god, oh god" every few seconds.

I had an ultrasound this morning where she saw one, maybe three maturing follicles. In case you haven't been studying up on your fertility, when follicles are mature, they release an egg and then the follicle becomes a corpus luteam which releases hormones to facilitate conception and implantation. She said that one is 14 mm and two are 12 mm, they all may continue to mature or the smaller ones may recede leaving only the larger follicle. She is going to do another ultrasound on Sunday morning, and the tentative scheduled is for me to administer the Ovidrel shot on Sunday night for an IUI on Tuesday.

I think that after a doctors appointment, they should allow you use of their computer so you can research the information you've been given. You should then be allowed to meet with the doctor again for clarification. It didn't dawn on me to ask if I wanted three mature follicles or if that was bad until I was in my car driving away. On the way to my office, I kept thinking that three mature follicles would mean three babies. If there was ever a proper time to use the "f" word, I think it would be if you found out you were having triplets. I was in my car debating in my head whether I would want to do an IUI if it meant triplets. I want to be a Mom really badly, but do I want to be a Mom THAT badly?

I've since done some research and have read that for a successful IUI, you would ideally want three to four mature follicles, but that you can get pregnant with just one. I still have lots of questions so I'll be doing some more research on this, and I'll be sure to ask my doctor on Sunday.

I did get some good news today. I thought I was going to have to foot the bill 100% for all of this. I spoke with the benefits coordinator today and learned my insurance covers 50%. The ultrasounds are only $44.53! And the IUI with sperm washing is only $61.79. I am so happy I could burst.

Keep thinking those good thoughts for me! They worked for getting J's HIV test so I'm really counting on them for everything else. Oh, and I only had one copy of the HIV test results so I made my doctor make me a copy before I'd give the results to her. I wasn't about to go through that whole process again.

Happy Friday!

Yes

I have J's HIV results. I have an u/s tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be updating after it. Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes and positive thoughts.

Spoiler Alert!

I watched the final two Episodes of John Adams off of our DVR the other night while J was sleeping. Last night he asked me if I had watched them and I said I had, then I said, "Do you want to know how it ends? He dies."

God I'm funny.

"I know stuff."

A series of events has resulted in J and me trying very hard not to spend any cash for the next few months. As we already owned the game, we decided to pass time last Sunday playing Trivial Pursuit.

I grew up playing Trivial Pursuit with my sister and parents and we still play it when we get together for holidays. We've played it so much, we've developed some of our own traditions around it, such as when you get a really easy question and it's for a pie, we call that pie piece a "pity pie." When J first heard us refer to the pity pie, he loved it, and now he uses it regularly. We were saying it to each other so much last Sunday, I developed the pity pie dirge and can't wait to share it with the rest of my family. It basically consists of me singing, "Here comes the pity pie, here comes the pity pie," to the tune of, "Poor Jud is dead," from the musical, Oklahoma, as I march it across the board towards the game piece.

In the past, we would fight over who got my Dad on their team, now we fight over who gets my Dad and who gets J. I think I've only ever beaten J at Trivial Pursuit once in the past. It's not that I'm dumb, it's just that J is really, really smart. I think he summed it up best when I demanded to know how he knew the answer to a particularly obscure question and he said, "I know stuff." One question I wasn't surprised he knew the answer to? "In what state do you find Riverside, the future birthplace of James T. Kirk?"

Frustrated

I've written before about needing J's HIV results. Prior to doing an IUI, where sperm is injected by catheter through the cervix into the uterus, state law requires the sperm donor to have "California Law Labs" completed (J says the law was very recently rewritten to allow for insemination if I consent, but it may be so new as to not yet be officially enacted).

The tests are for HIV, Hepatitis, HTLV, and a few other things. I think the main reason is they don't want to infect me with a disease.

For the last two months, at least, we've been asking the doctor's office to send the HIV results, but they keep sending the HTLV results. Today, I finally made him go to the doctor's office after they sent the HTLV test FOR THE THIRD TIME.

J called me from the doctor's office saying his doctor said the tests are related and the HTLV would be positive if he had HIV. But what his doctor says doesn't really matter, now does it? My doctor says she needs the HIV. She has repeatedly said the HTLV will not suffice. Prior to today, J was adamant he had had an earlier, separate, HIV test. Wrong! He wound up having to give blood today to have the HIV 1/2 tests.

Now they say they'll have the results in the next few days. I ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE THEM BY FRIDAY! I'm not holding my breath.